Benjamin Franklin Rises for Lemon Aid
By Matthew G. Welter
You know, God has a campy sense of humor. Otherwise why would he have made me look like Benjamin Franklin? I'm learning, though to make lemon-aid when life gives me lemons. No kidding. As I approach 40, I am growing into the Franklin part, so much that I've acquired a small colonial wardrobe, sought professional coaching and begun to study the man's character and achievements, including His compositions.
In my research I have found, remarkably, that my philosophies, even my humor almost eerily align with the man’s. People have asked me, in tones bordering on accusatory, if I could have been, well you know... him, in my last-- NO! To place a virtuous man of principle like that in an age of moral atrophy would require not merely a coy sense of humor, but a cruel heart as well.
Imagine though, if Ben Franklin were alive today. Suppose for instance during his experimentation with electricity, he had discovered how to extend, indeed adjust his age. Let's imagine that he had faked his death, and gone into hiding so as not to divulge the secret of immortality, for reasons... well, self-evident.
Now more than ever, Franklin may wish to surface (in our hypothetical world). After all, we're talking about the father of technology here. Perhaps he would pose as, say--a sculptor and owner of a gallery named Timeless Sculptures in, say Lake Tahoe Ca. All right, I am a sculptor and gallery owner from Lake Tahoe, but Franklin would be crazy to participate in today's unethical business climate.
A good man could be savaged out here--there. I mean, he could end up trusting a slick salesman from, some huge business technologies giant, say...Konica. He could spend his last ounce of credit on a piece of equipment and a 5 year maintenance contract. Good heavens, what if that full color copier with enlargement, reduction, sorting and PC capabilities turned out to be a proverbial lemon? You know the routine... incessant break downs, inadequate service and supply performance, weeks of down time at a spell, all met with blame shifting, excuse making and a conspicuous lack of regard from both the dealer, and the insensitive, reckless corporate giant he bought the lemon from. Why, Ben could structure an entire marketing program around this modern printing press, which looks smashing, but fails to make copies when he needs them!!! (This isn't a scenario, it's a bad script for a horror flick).
I mean, our hapless sculptor could find out that “PC compatibility" means he must buy a special electronic component for, say 10,000 additional dollars. Or he may learn that the leasing company accepting the payments doesn't give a rats' fanny about his copier company's problems. They could threaten to ruin his credit for an eternity (well, in this case he's immortal any way). This, occasioned by terrible color copies, regular stand stills, and a service provider who can't seem to keep parts on the shelf, because everyone else he sold a copier to is in the same fix!
Unable to retain a lawyer (due to the financial problems he now faces) our imaginary Ben Franklin might don his eighteenth century garb and "come out of the closet" about his identity (No pun intended). Why, he may even be seen strolling the isles at, say, The Business Technologies Expo '97, in the south hall of the Los Angeles Convention Center, February 19th-21st.
That 200 year old man might be seen greeting guests, shaking hands, laughing nervously, while he talks about our worrisome moral decline, at the threshold of a technological revolution (Just consider the implications of that). Benjamin Franklin may even avail himself to other worthy causes; standing up to shameless displays of reckless power wherever he is needed.
But of course that's all make believe. Back in real world, however, there really is such a convention taking place. Why not call the LA Convention Center at (213) 741-1151 for info, and come on down!!? Hope to see you there! I'll be the one in the three cornered hat, bifocals, and buckle-down shoes.
A Declaration of Inalienable Rights
By: Benjamin Franklin, 1997
When in the course of human events it becomes necessary to explicate the acts of willing deceit, and when justice by constitutional mandate is, by all measure, unattainable, prudence, indeed, will dictate that when evils are no longer sufferable; when a long train of abuses and usurpations emburden good men under absolute despotism, it is their right, their duty to throw off such encumbrances in the name of liberty.
Therefore, representing of the United States of America in general congress, appealing to the supreme judge of the world for the rectitude of these intentions, I do in the name and by authority of good people of these states, solemnly publish and declare the eclusions herein set forth; a breach of justice being self-evident. This, in the knowledge that congress may pass no law abridging the freedom of speech or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the government for a redress of grievances.
~ back ~
|
Fine art from Timeless Sculptures:
|
